I remember distinctly a day about five years ago when I called to talk to one of my best friends and she was crying. It was a few weeks before the birth of her second daughter and she was grieving the change about to happen for her first little girl. At the time I had trouble understanding and it always stuck with me. Now that time for me is here and I understand it perfectly.
Lowery cannot be prepared for the change about to take place. I want to panic a little bit in my truly "o-c-d" kind of way. I want to analyze the timing, question the years between them, wonder if I'm crazy for doing this in a new city where we've already changed so much for Lowery in the past year. But then I remember that all of this is God's timing and his plan is perfect. And if Lowery has taught me anything in the past year, it's that she's pretty good at accepting change.
But I can't help but feel this special tug at my heart with her lately. I know, hormones play a role. But I have caught myself staring at her the past couple of weeks and just being in awe of her. She is such a unique gift. She's sensitive, caring and thoughtful - but somehow equally independent and strong. She is silly, has an imagination that rivals any big dreamer and always wants to make people laugh - but can be quiet and reserved when need be. She never meets a stranger, loves to talk with adults and has a special compassion for the elderly - but her favorite people in the world are her "cousins" and her family. She loves God and desires to learn more about Him and already comprehends more than I thought possible about His love and sacrifice.
I know most all of you have more than one child so you are very aware of the feelings I am having. But since most of my posts in the next few weeks will be focused on the arrival of my new baby, I had to talk about the one I already have right here. She is my girl, the light of my life. Again, I have no idea how to prepare myself, much less my 5 year old, for the change coming to our family. I will leave that up to God. I love my Lowery and am so proud of who she is. Lord, let her be ready for the change coming her way - and give her a bond with this sister that brings joy that lasts a lifetime.
Here I am 6 years ago, meeting the baby that I dreamed about for months. No longer having to wonder what she looked like, sounded like -but able to feel her and hold her and experience that overwhelming love. Now, to do it all again - what a wonderful, terrifying and amazing gift.