What will it be like?

Sisters. A foreign concept to me, a bond I simply cannot comprehend. Growing up and sharing your life, home and parents with another child - another equally foreign idea to me. I have no idea what this is going to be like.

I remember distinctly a day about five years ago when I called to talk to one of my best friends and she was crying. It was a few weeks before the birth of her second daughter and she was grieving the change about to happen for her first little girl. At the time I had trouble understanding and it always stuck with me. Now that time for me is here and I understand it perfectly.

Lowery cannot be prepared for the change about to take place. I want to panic a little bit in my truly "o-c-d" kind of way. I want to analyze the timing, question the years between them, wonder if I'm crazy for doing this in a new city where we've already changed so much for Lowery in the past year. But then I remember that all of this is God's timing and his plan is perfect. And if Lowery has taught me anything in the past year, it's that she's pretty good at accepting change.

But I can't help but feel this special tug at my heart with her lately. I know, hormones play a role. But I have caught myself staring at her the past couple of weeks and just being in awe of her. She is such a unique gift. She's sensitive, caring and thoughtful - but somehow equally independent and strong. She is silly, has an imagination that rivals any big dreamer and always wants to make people laugh - but can be quiet and reserved when need be. She never meets a stranger, loves to talk with adults and has a special compassion for the elderly - but her favorite people in the world are her "cousins" and her family. She loves God and desires to learn more about Him and already comprehends more than I thought possible about His love and sacrifice.

I know most all of you have more than one child so you are very aware of the feelings I am having. But since most of my posts in the next few weeks will be focused on the arrival of my new baby, I had to talk about the one I already have right here. She is my girl, the light of my life. Again, I have no idea how to prepare myself, much less my 5 year old, for the change coming to our family. I will leave that up to God. I love my Lowery and am so proud of who she is. Lord, let her be ready for the change coming her way - and give her a bond with this sister that brings joy that lasts a lifetime.

Here I am 6 years ago, meeting the baby that I dreamed about for months. No longer having to wonder what she looked like, sounded like -but able to feel her and hold her and experience that overwhelming love. Now, to do it all again - what a wonderful, terrifying and amazing gift.

I Could Be Here...

I could be here...

In Vegas staying at the Wynn with my husband (this is the view from his room). But instead I'm here with cankles and a nesting list that far outweighs my energy. Anyone else think this is not fair? Anyone else agree I'm due for a prenatal massage? Oh, yes...

Thank goodness I have my precious girl who is taking care of me. They practiced manners today at school so she helped set the table, used her best etiquette during dinner (and reminded me to get my elbows off the table and not to eat cornbread with my hands - I told her we lived in the South and to get over it) and even helped load the dishwasher. She is doing baths all by herself (I don't know if this is something we're like a year behind on - if you have a 5 year old that's been doing this for months just don't tell me and let me be proud anyway) and is being really sweet to help me out. I am very lucky. Between her and my mother in law who is here helping me this week I am making it fine. I got to take a nap today and had dinner cooked for me so it was a treat. I also baited my mother in law into the nesting list and we accomplished quite a bit today, including baby clothes washed and organized, freezer cleaned out and my closet cleaned out and organized. Okay, question: does anyone else's husband have a collection of dry cleaning baggies stashed in the corner on his side of the closet?? Good grief, you would think he's planning to suffocate me and wrap my body in them. Definite possibility. Anyway, lots of things accomplished and the nesting list is shrinking so it was a great day.

Until I remember that I could be in Vegas. At the Wynn, with that view.

One Thing Checked off the "Things I'll Never Do" List

So my camera is broken and as a result I can't quite do the fabulous reveal I had planned. But picture a gleaming white, brand new Minivan - got it? Now imagine me ducking down in the seat behind the wheel so no one realizes it's me driving it.

Seriously, I told you guys I was irrational! Number one, instead of getting new tires I just decide to get a new car (which actually made quite a bit of financial sense on paper, seriously). And on top of that I got a minivan. Right now it's a love hate relationship. When I'm inside it I love it. When I'm outside of it and realize it's a minivan, I hate it.

Really, I am very thankful and blessed to have such an awesome ride. We took a trip to a Little Rock this past weekend and it was SO nice. Room to spread out, organize our stuff - even Ringo the dog had a whole seat to himself. Lowery got her movie player (which she offered to pay for herself with the $11 in quarters she got from my parents for her report card) and is in love with the automatic doors. I love it too and believe, as a Mom, it's the most wonderful choice out there when you're in the world of car seats and strollers.

But, a few days ago I was in a drive thru line, jamming to some 80's music. I got a glimpse of myself in the window - sporting some awesome gas-station bought sunglasses, season-old sandals, pregnant, listening to Duran Duran and driving a minivan. And it hit me that I had become my worst nightmare.

Rages, Fits, Irrational Behavior

All I can say is that I'm going to have to blame hormones for my recent ability to fly off the handle at things. Okay, well, maybe it's not recently that I just developed this ability. I admit that I have always had somewhat of a short fuse, blame the red hair (notice I keep using this word blame, I guess I need to quit looking for a scapegoat). And us Lowerys have always been a little notorious for our irritable mood swings and strong opinions. Genetics, beyond my control. But at least I used to lose it over things that really "mattered". I often had fits when I worked - you know, those Friday evening client calls where the client demanded something by Monday morning. Or the team member that forgets they get a paycheck because they actually have to do something during the day. Anyway, the stress at work would spill over into other things and I would find myself getting frustrated with things at home as well. One of the many reasons I decided to focus my efforts on my child full time. And since that time, I have to admit my rages have decreased greatly. I pretty much control my schedule and day and have done much better at keeping things under control. Until pregnancy.

The first event that set me off was Blue Cross Blue Shield's decision to stop paying for my heartburn medicine. One month of medicine would now cost me almost $150. I tried to make it with an over the counter, which made me so sick I couldn't keep food down and ended up in the hospital to get fluids. All because someone, somewhere in a board room far away didn't think about all of the pregnant women who have to suffer with unusually rough heartburn and decided to nix Nexium from our plan. I was infuriated and ranted about it for days. Even called Blue Cross Blue Shield and Astra Zeneca and made my complaints known to them. Next up? Healthcare plan (which of course spilled over from the original rage towards Blue Cross). I'm usually not even that political, but it gave me something to have fit about for a few weeks.

Then there was the trip to Springdale where I felt such an overwhelming urge to nest I forced my family to work hours that would make a sweat shop cringe to get closets organized, clothes sorted, rooms painted, yard work done, rooms refinished and I don't know what else. I was a grouch and looked for something to get frustrated about.

This past week I found a new victim. Toyota. I've owned Toyotas now for over 12 years and they have always been so good, so reliable. Even with the recent recall, I had a tendency to side with them and just felt like they would figure it out. I began to lose patience when I found out about management looking for cost savings instead of fixing problems, but it wasn't until I had issues with my own car that the raving monster was let loose. We have not even had our 08 Highlander for 2 years yet - and up until this past week I loved that car. But I noticed about a month ago that my brakes weren't working well. And then this past week we found out that all 4 tires were finished, one completely worn down to the steel, and they needed to be replaced (affecting the brakes). All 4 of the tires. In less than 2 years. On top of that, I discovered that of all the tires in the world available, there were only TWO that would fit my car and they were extremely expensive. So, I of course get on the phone with Toyota and Toyo tires and find out that this has been a major problem with 08 Highlanders. Most tires were wearing out after 20,000 miles. Terrible, unheard of. Their solution? Offer me a "good will" discount of 1/32 of the tread left on the old ones. Whatever that means, I've never been good with fractions. I only know that I had NO tread left and 1/32 of nothing is nothing. Furious. Boiling. How could they not let owners know this was a problem? We were taking long trips on these tires that were terrible and it could have been unsafe for us.

So what did I do (other than call and make my feelings known to Toyota and Toyo)? Well, something completely irrational, of course. And I mean really irrational. I will reveal my actions tomorrow. Let's just say that I took it out on someone. And the decision I made would make Dave Ramsey have a stroke. More to come...

Elle is Growing! (And so am I!)

A little update on baby girl today. I am 29 weeks so am on the final stretch, although that final stretch seems to go on forever in my mind. I had a doctor's appointment today and got thoroughly checked out (I knew I would have extra tests with a high risk pregnancy, but didn't really imagine all I the times I would have to get stuck to get blood drawn - thank goodness the lab girl in the office is really good). Since I had a not-so-great week last week with the failing of the sugar test and the anemia news, I was hoping for a better appointment today. And that's what I got! Everything checked out wonderfully. A true touch of God, my blood pressure is still picture perfect, a beautiful 117/72. Elle is measuring a week and 2 days ahead of my date and weighs 3 pounds, 3 ounces. This is such good news since one of my risks is low birthweight due to the blood pressure medicine. Also good news because her and I BOTH had a major "growth spurt" the past two weeks. Not so much weight but size, I just feel like my stomach pushed out about about a foot overnight. I had a non-stress test as well and the heartbeat, movement, everything was right where it should be. All of that good news prompted my Doctor to give me the okay to travel this weekend for one last trip. I will be able to go to El Dorado for Easter and see my grandmother for the last time until June, which I'm very happy about. The only downside is that I have a tendency to do nothing but EAT when I am there. I will have to keep that under control or risk another growth spurt that I can't blame on the baby.

Anyway, Elle was precious! She has definitely put more fat on her little bones since her last 3-D picture, but must have been having a bad hair day because she burrowed with her head towards my back which did not allow for any good pictures :( I will keep updates coming, but as of now everything is going better than I could have ever dreamed (but through faith know it's what I should have expected all along).