What will it be like?

Sisters. A foreign concept to me, a bond I simply cannot comprehend. Growing up and sharing your life, home and parents with another child - another equally foreign idea to me. I have no idea what this is going to be like.

I remember distinctly a day about five years ago when I called to talk to one of my best friends and she was crying. It was a few weeks before the birth of her second daughter and she was grieving the change about to happen for her first little girl. At the time I had trouble understanding and it always stuck with me. Now that time for me is here and I understand it perfectly.

Lowery cannot be prepared for the change about to take place. I want to panic a little bit in my truly "o-c-d" kind of way. I want to analyze the timing, question the years between them, wonder if I'm crazy for doing this in a new city where we've already changed so much for Lowery in the past year. But then I remember that all of this is God's timing and his plan is perfect. And if Lowery has taught me anything in the past year, it's that she's pretty good at accepting change.

But I can't help but feel this special tug at my heart with her lately. I know, hormones play a role. But I have caught myself staring at her the past couple of weeks and just being in awe of her. She is such a unique gift. She's sensitive, caring and thoughtful - but somehow equally independent and strong. She is silly, has an imagination that rivals any big dreamer and always wants to make people laugh - but can be quiet and reserved when need be. She never meets a stranger, loves to talk with adults and has a special compassion for the elderly - but her favorite people in the world are her "cousins" and her family. She loves God and desires to learn more about Him and already comprehends more than I thought possible about His love and sacrifice.

I know most all of you have more than one child so you are very aware of the feelings I am having. But since most of my posts in the next few weeks will be focused on the arrival of my new baby, I had to talk about the one I already have right here. She is my girl, the light of my life. Again, I have no idea how to prepare myself, much less my 5 year old, for the change coming to our family. I will leave that up to God. I love my Lowery and am so proud of who she is. Lord, let her be ready for the change coming her way - and give her a bond with this sister that brings joy that lasts a lifetime.

Here I am 6 years ago, meeting the baby that I dreamed about for months. No longer having to wonder what she looked like, sounded like -but able to feel her and hold her and experience that overwhelming love. Now, to do it all again - what a wonderful, terrifying and amazing gift.

I Could Be Here...

I could be here...

In Vegas staying at the Wynn with my husband (this is the view from his room). But instead I'm here with cankles and a nesting list that far outweighs my energy. Anyone else think this is not fair? Anyone else agree I'm due for a prenatal massage? Oh, yes...

Thank goodness I have my precious girl who is taking care of me. They practiced manners today at school so she helped set the table, used her best etiquette during dinner (and reminded me to get my elbows off the table and not to eat cornbread with my hands - I told her we lived in the South and to get over it) and even helped load the dishwasher. She is doing baths all by herself (I don't know if this is something we're like a year behind on - if you have a 5 year old that's been doing this for months just don't tell me and let me be proud anyway) and is being really sweet to help me out. I am very lucky. Between her and my mother in law who is here helping me this week I am making it fine. I got to take a nap today and had dinner cooked for me so it was a treat. I also baited my mother in law into the nesting list and we accomplished quite a bit today, including baby clothes washed and organized, freezer cleaned out and my closet cleaned out and organized. Okay, question: does anyone else's husband have a collection of dry cleaning baggies stashed in the corner on his side of the closet?? Good grief, you would think he's planning to suffocate me and wrap my body in them. Definite possibility. Anyway, lots of things accomplished and the nesting list is shrinking so it was a great day.

Until I remember that I could be in Vegas. At the Wynn, with that view.

One Thing Checked off the "Things I'll Never Do" List

So my camera is broken and as a result I can't quite do the fabulous reveal I had planned. But picture a gleaming white, brand new Minivan - got it? Now imagine me ducking down in the seat behind the wheel so no one realizes it's me driving it.

Seriously, I told you guys I was irrational! Number one, instead of getting new tires I just decide to get a new car (which actually made quite a bit of financial sense on paper, seriously). And on top of that I got a minivan. Right now it's a love hate relationship. When I'm inside it I love it. When I'm outside of it and realize it's a minivan, I hate it.

Really, I am very thankful and blessed to have such an awesome ride. We took a trip to a Little Rock this past weekend and it was SO nice. Room to spread out, organize our stuff - even Ringo the dog had a whole seat to himself. Lowery got her movie player (which she offered to pay for herself with the $11 in quarters she got from my parents for her report card) and is in love with the automatic doors. I love it too and believe, as a Mom, it's the most wonderful choice out there when you're in the world of car seats and strollers.

But, a few days ago I was in a drive thru line, jamming to some 80's music. I got a glimpse of myself in the window - sporting some awesome gas-station bought sunglasses, season-old sandals, pregnant, listening to Duran Duran and driving a minivan. And it hit me that I had become my worst nightmare.